13.

          13 is my number. For a lot of people it carries bad luck; it is the opposite for me. Growing up, I always wanted the number 13 on the back of my jerseys. My Dad and I would only go to check out stand number 13 among many other things. When I was 13, I first noticed that I was finally growing what seemed to be breasts. Of course, I was young but a lot of the other girls had already developed quite obviously and I was just excited to have anything at all, but I always loved being smaller. Now that I am older, I realize that I was always smaller because I did not have an ounce of fat on my body as a result of the multiple sports that I played. Years later, I finally caught up to the rest of the girls and grew quite attached to my breasts. I am finally letting go. I no longer look at myself with sadness. I strive for perfection in everything that I do. But as I read somewhere (I cannot remember where exactly): "You're not doing this for beauty and perfection, you're doing this for life." I have become quite at ease over the last few months as I have prepared for this life-changing surgery. I have accepted that I will let go of this part of my body and accept a new normal and gain a future less likely to include breast cancer. I truly look forward to going through this transformation and learning more about myself than I have ever known. And I look forward to the end result, that weight off of my shoulders, or should I say my chest. 
          As I sit here, 13 days away from my surgery date, I feel the typical nervousness that one would before having surgery but I am also excited. I will not have to live in fear of breast cancer. I hope to dedicate my life's work to helping those who deal with this awful disease and this surgery is my way of making sure that I am around, for a very long time, and able to do just that. 13 days before the big day and I am ready. I've had beautiful photographs taken by a friend's business (www.eyeforlovephoto.com), that I will always cherish. With the help of Keep A Breast, I was able to make a plaster cast of my chest that will be painted at a later day. I have purchased everything that I can think of to make me as comfortable as possible throughout recovery. I am ready and positive. 
          If you would have told me at the age of 13, when I bought my first bra, that in 10 short years I would undergo a skin-sparing prophylactic bilateral mastectomy with reconstruction, I would have stared at you blankly. I would have never even known what any of those words meant. 
          I am disappointed that I will begin school this fall with nearly empty expanders but that's just the way life goes sometimes. I will get my expanders filled throughout the semester and once I am done expanding I will wait until winter break to undergo my exchange surgery. It isn't how I had initially hoped that it would happen but in the end, it will all get done and that's what matters. 
          I feel so blessed to have the amazing support system that I do, and I look forward to continuing to share my story with those who have joined me on this journey. This will most likely be my last post until I feel up to blogging after surgery. Thank you for allowing me to share my inner-most feelings and for the unwavering love and support.