To begin, I really wanted to post a while ago but I was having trouble with my energy level. But finally, I am able to write. What a whirlwind these last four weeks have been! Here is the play by play!
July 25th, the morning of my surgery came faster than I could have ever imagined. To begin, I thought that I would have a difficult time going to bed the night before and I actually fell asleep with no problem. Check in was at 0530 so I was up at 0400 to shower and get ready. True to my typical self, I straightened my hair and tried to look as presentable as I possibly could for 0530. My Mom, my Dad, Alessandro, my boyfriend for those who do not know, and I all traveled to the hospital. Once I got into the admitting office my nerves set in. Until that point I truly had not felt any signs of nervousness. I was quickly checked in and swept away to pre-op. At this point I was alone. I had to change into my gown and booties, get my IV put in, and answer more questions than I could comprehend. Then they let my family come back and see me. First, my Dad came back. He made sure that I was comfortable, gave me a hug, kissed me and told me that he loved me. Next, my Mom came in. My Mom hugged me, and in typical fashion, she scratched my scalp and rubbed my hair. Then she started to tell me that she was so proud of me and I finally broke down and began to cry. I just could not stop thinking about how sad she might have felt because the gene was passed to me from her. I could not help but feel like she might have felt guilty. I got through the tears and felt at ease after a few minutes of conversation and she left. Next came Alessandro. No person has ever been able to make me feel so comfortable in any situation. He stayed with me in pre-op until they took me back for surgery. My plastic surgeon and general surgeon both came in to see me and then my plastic surgeon drew on me, marking where all of the cuts were to be made. Both of my doctors were and have continued to be absolutely incredible. After my plastic surgeon left, my nurse came in and gave me a "margarita". I don't really remember it relaxing me too much but I am sure that it did more than I thought at the time. They also gave me a hand full of medications to prevent nausea, as well as a patch on my ear to prevent further nausea during the days after the surgery. I said goodbye to Alessandro at this point and they rolled me back into the operating room at around 0730. I very clearly remember being in the operating room. I climbed onto the operating table on my own and listened as all of the nurses introduced themselves to my doctors. My general surgeon patted my leg and she really put me at ease. One of the nurses sat by my side and was holding my hand and asking me questions about my surgery. Right after that, I remember my anesthesiologist, who was also incredible, putting the oxygen mask on my face and telling me that it was oxygen only. He lied. I remember smelling a weird scent for about 30 seconds and the next thing that I remember is waking up.
Unfortunately the surgery did not go as planned. Prior to the surgery, it had been decided that they would not perform a lymph node biopsy because my MRI was normal. However, when they began the mastectomy, they noticed that my lymph nodes were abnormal. My surgeon began to dissect the nodes from my left arm because they were black. At this point they feared the worst, they believed that I had melanoma. It was not until two days later that it was determined that it was actually black pigment from my breast cancer tattoo that is on my ribs, talk about ironic. Dr. Kudva ended up removing 8 lymph nodes and they continued with the surgery. I remember very clearly waking up. Dr. Kudva told me about my lymph nodes and I broke down into tears. One would think that I was upset over the possibility of having melanoma, but no, I was crying and pleading with my doctors to not let me get lymphedema. Oh the joys of pain medication. Other than that complication the surgery went well. My breast tissue was given the all clear by pathology and my expanders were put into place and filled with 100ml of fluid each which is about an A cup on my body. The next thing that I remember is being in post-op, asking for ice to eat, and telling jokes. I asked my parents later what I was saying and apparently I was in great spirits and telling all of the nurses why I had the surgery and all of the statistics behind it. I am just glad that I was not a problem patient.
Once I arrived home I got comfortable in bed, I welcomed visitors and then I napped. The first few days are a little blurry for me now but I do remember those who called and visited me and hanging out with my family and Alessandro. Soon after I arrived home my room was filled with beautiful flowers and I was surrounded with love. I never really had any severe pain, I was mostly sore and uncomfortable. I had moments of frustration where I would break down and cry because I am not one that likes to ask others for help. Other than that, my recovery was extremely uneventful and went rather smoothly. The biggest annoyance for me, and typically for others, were the drains. Luckily, I had my drains removed after 8 full days. I went to all of my post-op appointments and got the all clear from my doctors. There were no signs of infection and everything looked great. It only took about 10 days for me to be completely off of the medication, and I only used Tylenol for about 5 days after that. 2 weeks after my surgery I celebrated my 24th birthday. This birthday was so much more special. Without the fear of cancer hanging over me I truly felt as though this was the first new year of the rest of my life.
3 weeks after surgery I saw my plastic surgeon for a check up and he gave me the all clear to start exercising again and now that I am able to run, I feel great. I also began my second year of law school during the third week. It was very difficult to adjust and I am still adjusting but I feel more and more like myself every day.
It has now been 4 weeks since my surgery and I feel great. My incisions are already hardly visible and faint scars are beginning to set in. I will begin using a medical grade silicone treatment to further treat my scars. This coming Monday, the 27th of August, I will have my first expansion. I am really anxious to continue with this process and to see the end result. However, for now I am mostly occupied by my studies.
Throughout this surgery I learned a lot. I learned a lot about friendship and family. I am so grateful for the support and love that I received from every single person and I am also grateful for the support that I expected but that I did not receive. It is in moments like this that you really learn who will always be there for you. This has been such a valuable lesson to me. I also learned that I have the most loving and loyal boyfriend. I only hope that every one can experience such unconditional love and caring in their lifetime. In addition, the feeling of relief that I am already experiencing is incredible. Reducing my risk of breast cancer by 90% was the best gift that I have ever given myself and I do not regret it one bit. I have been stared at in public and I have had people say extremely insensitive things to me but it does not even bother me, because I have given myself a chance at life free of worry. I also learned a lot about myself. I had never experienced a major surgery nor had I ever endured such a potentially painful procedure. While it may not be easy for others, and I do recognize that, this surgery and recovery were rather easy on me. I learned that my pain tolerance is extremely high and I am truly proud of myself. I made it through the hard part and I know that the other procedures will be a lot easier.
On November 4th I will be running in the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure. I will be running the 5k with a whole new outlook on life. Once I get the information together I will post it for those who would like to run it with me or for those who would like to donate. At the same time I will also begin physical therapy for my left arm. As of now, I do not have much feeling in my arm and it is visibly swollen. Physical therapy will help manage the lymphedema and will help me to learn to deal with the nerve damage.
Lastly, thank you to all of my friends and family for all of your unwavering love and support. There is no way that I could have gotten through this without each and every one of you. Sitting here today, I know that I made the right decision for me.
