Love.

After Valentine's Day, I feel as if I should write a little something about love. Love is a word that means many different things to people. For some, love brings about thoughts of romance, for others a favorite food item. It's a word that is often thrown around haphazardly and attached to many different things and/or people. This may sound absolutely absurd but what comes to my mind is cancer. I have never, in my very short 23 years of life, seen a love like I did when my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer. The amount of love that I saw between my mom and dad during that time was absolutely amazing. The closeness between my mom and I during this time was also something that I cherished then and that we have maintained since. After almost 33 years of marriage, my mom and dad are still so sweet together and it melts my heart when I think of the way they have always been by each others' sides. When we almost lost my dad a few years ago, my mom was in Sacramento, she hopped in her car and drove like a bat out of hell to be with us, but most importantly to be with my dad in his time of need. So when she was faced with her mastectomy, her chemo, and her recovery, my dad was there; he loved her through it. In addition to the love between my dad and my mom, and the love between a daughter and her mom, the love from strangers and the love from friends, blew my mind. People who had never met my mom would ask about her constantly, people brought gifts, people wanted to do anything they could to help. While I hope that one day breast cancer will be a thing of the past, until then and with my surgery soon to be out of the way, I hope to raise awareness, help as many people as I can, and love others through this awful disease. Since my blog's inception, I have been blessed with many new friends: younger and older women going through the same process, women who have lost loved ones, and women who are just curious. Speaking out has been a very rewarding experience thus far and I am so glad that I did this. The love that has made its way into my life as a result, I'm sure, is only a fraction of the love my mom felt, but it has changed me. On the days that I feel anxious or I doubt my decision, I remember how much love surrounds me and the support that I have behind me. So thank you, to all of you. I hope that at least, even if just once in their lifetime, each person on this planet has the opportunity to feel a love like the love I saw between my mom and dad, like the love between my mom and I, and the love felt by so many others. It never ceases to amaze me that such a beautiful thing can come from such an awful disease.

Also, in light of very recent events, I hope that people will stop and remember that those around us may be here one second and gone the next. Do not ever take those you love for granted. Cherish every living, breathing moment that you are blessed to have. Be kind, be thoughtful, take in the beauty that is around you. 

And lastly, I felt it necessary to post this video. It has been one of my favorite songs since I first heard it. And once I saw the video, I am pretty sure that I sat at my desk and sobbed for a solid hour. They did such a fabulous job in capturing the emotions that I have attempted to convey to my readers and the lyrics to this song really hit home. Enjoy! 

Choices.

"All men and women are born, live, suffer and die; what distinguishes us one from another are our dreams, whether they be dreams about worldly or unworldly things, and what we do to make them come about... We do not choose to be born. We do not choose our parents. We do not choose our historical epoch, the country of our birth, or the immediate circumstances of our upbringing. We do not, most of us, choose to die; nor do we choose the time and conditions of our death. But within this realm of choicelessness, we do choose how we live." -Joseph Epstein

Life is about making choices when you can. I did not have a choice to be BRCA1+. But I do have a choice to do something about it. I was very hurt by some of the responses that I received from people that I have known for years. I am not easily hurt by peoples' words, however, when I hear "self-mutilation", that hurts. I am not self-mutilating and I am not a "scared" and "weak" person. I am making a choice to give myself a long, happy, and healthy life.

I do not feel as though I must justify my decision but I really want people to understand that this decision was not easy to make. I have spent about four years researching and contemplating all of my options and this is simply the best decision I can make for myself. Is it the right decision for every woman who is high risk? No. But for me, it is the right choice. I am not doing this because I am a weak person, I am not doing this because I am scared. I am doing this because I watched my mom fight like hell through her cancer treatments. I watched her become weak from the chemotherapy and all she wanted to do was be strong. The experience I had with taking care of my mom was emotionally draining but it brought us closer together and I learned so much about her and myself. However, I do not want my husband, my family, or my children to have to see me like that. I do not want to put anyone I love through that, nor do I want to put myself through that. THAT is why I am doing this. I have knowledge of my susceptibility. My mom, my grandmother, and great grandmother did not. I feel blessed to have this opportunity to make a better future for myself and for those I love. Cancer can really be just a word to me, not a sentence.

So, please, before you judge the choices others make, be sure that you know the reasons behind those choices.